If you live in an urban setting, or have ever visited one, you’ve almost certainly encountered a houseless person, likely with a sign requesting help of any kind, sitting on a sidewalk or standing at an intersection under a highway. How do you respond? Do you stop? Make eye contact? Offer a smile and say hello? Offer money, a snack or some cigarettes?
Or do you roll your windows up? Step over their legs or swerve your walking path around them. Avert your eyes and look down at your phone or start speaking loudly to the person you are with. Or, my personal go-to: murmur a “no, I’m sorry” and try to disguise the wallet or food you are carrying as you speed walk away.
This isn’t intended to shame. I am guilty of choosing to ignore, to look away or step away. But immediately after I do, I am always filled with regret. My brain starts doing backflips trying to find and settle on one resolve for what I should have done, each with its own rebuttal. I should have given them money; but, money could be used for harmful substances, and I can’t give all my money to everyone or it will never end. I should have sat down and engaged in conversation; but, they could be sick or violent and I have nothing to defend myself, or maybe, I don’t have time. I should have at least smiled and said hello; but, that could come across as mocking or condescending and trigger an angry response or initiated a request for me to stay for a conversation.
Where does this jumble of thoughts, this stew of fear, responsibility, generosity and nervousness come from? I want to understand why seeing someone on the street triggers such an all consuming emotional response, and yet no real action — and how I should act, if at all.
I tapped into a couple of sources for this one, and learned some facts.
The overwhelming consensus from the homeless community is that one of the most harmful byproducts of being houseless is feeling unseen.
The majority of people are supportive the idea of “helping end homelessness” as a societal issue (by volunteering or contributing taxes to efforts) but are repelled by an actual encounter with a homeless person asking for help.
The best way for you and I as individuals to make a difference is by attempting some sort of compassionate human connection, to make someone feel human rather than making them feel as important and acknowledged as dirt on the sidewalk.
the psychology behind our reactions:
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Resentful attitudes toward homeless people – as if their condition is a result of laziness, that they are looking for a handout and deserve the lifestyle they are stuck in. Ignorance accompanies this attitude – the notion that the only way to end up on the street is to be crazy, drug or alcohol addicted or stupid.
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We readily help small, cute children or animals because we automatically assume that whatever trouble they’re in, they can’t be accountable for. Subsequently, we are significantly less forgiving when we observe an adult in the midst of drug addiction or homelessness.
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People realize when they are up close to poverty that it is ugly – smelly, dirty, grimy, unsanitary, and its manifestation in the person calling out to them is overall unpleasant.
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We mentally block ourselves from empathizing because it’s too frightening to picture ourselves in a homeless person’s shoes. The reality is that a large portion of Americans who live paycheck to paycheck are teetering on the edge of homelessness, easily pushed over by any common, simple life event.
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We feel guilty about our privilege and want to avoid seeing someone who provides even more of a contrast to our lifestyle.
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We feel an overwhelming sense of helplessness because of the magnitude of the homeless crisis, which makes us disconnect from empathizing with the human being right in front of us. It is easy to be reminded that none of us individually has the resources to house all of the people like the one in front of us, and to rely on donations as our contribution to the “issue.”
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Our brains are trained to disconnect when we see someone we recognize is suffering, to instantly dehumanize them so that we don’t have to feel that second hand negative motion by empathizing subconsciously as we do with the people we choose to care about.
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This digital generation is most guilty of switching off because we have developed a strategy of not processing the state of everyone you encounter — it would be far too many in this world of followers and constant sharing.
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Finally, you may have had an interaction with a homeless person that turned aggressive or angry in the past, and it causes you to shy away from any encounter that you think might end up similarly.
suggestions for how to respond:
– offer a smile and make eye contact when you see someone
– greet them – say hello, good morning, my name is __, how are you, can I help with anything?
– offer a small amount of whatever you have – but don’t let it make you feel like you fixed poverty, but just that you helped out a fellow human being.
– when you encounter someone, think about what they are thinking
– don’t assume that someone is going to become angry or violent just because they are homeless. if they do, try to apologize briefly (“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to offend you”) make sure you are in a public setting and walk away, or ask for help.
other recommendations: https://www.sbs.com.au/topics/voices/culture/article/2018/07/17/how-talk-homeless-person